The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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