i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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