1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
