aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
