Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
