i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
