Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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