How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
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