laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
