His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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