Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
