Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
