i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
