we have pet lesbian snakes
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
