I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
