matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
