I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
