My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Couch. On fire.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
