My hand turned me down
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
