Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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