billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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