if you like me you must not know who I am
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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