I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
