Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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