Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
