listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
