I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
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She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
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In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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