Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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