and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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