sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize