i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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