Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
