My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
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