What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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