I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
