So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
