Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
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