dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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