omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
why do cheetos always look like penises
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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