First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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