smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
