I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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