Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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