It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
