so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
