sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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