I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
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There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
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I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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