Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
