Define "chronic" masturbator.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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