is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
