I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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