u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
