I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
