Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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