Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
