Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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