i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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