I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
