so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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