You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
