You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
my shit smells like andre
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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