Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
