It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
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She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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