My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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