just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
