Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
