You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
